May 22, 2007

Ladies and gentlestrangers, a wonderful something has finally happened to me, a something that all young men and women look forward to with fear and excitement. I'm not talking about losing my virginity. That happened months ago. I'm talking about Nigerian spam and how I finally got one! After years of hearing about the Nigerian prince (or in my case, princess) who needs a little bit of your money to get back a lot of his money which you are promised to get a percentage of but in fact what you get is taken for a ride, I finally got one of those lovelies in my inbox. I felt proud and relieved. I was glad it was over. The wait was murdering me. That and the usual doubts about my attractiveness, my popularity. Living my entire adult life without receiving even a single crumb of Nigerian spam made me feel like I wasn't even human. But thanks to Lady Alina Sutu, her greed and her curious syntax, I am now a man. I would have liked to have responded to Lady Sutu, if only to correct some of her grammar and punctuation. But I had to erase the email, of course. Who knows whose hands have been all over it? And what sort of bugs it's picked up? But I was too thrilled to keep quiet about it. I had to tell the world. Or at least the four or five stalwarts who eyeball this page every now and again. Next time you see me, shake my hand and know that you're shaking the hand of someone who has both been there and done that.

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