May 26, 2007

I'll be closed this Sunday and Monday. I'm not licensed to open on state and federal holidays and I just know that the plain-clothed inspectors, rather than going to the beach like the rest of Rhode Island, will be coming here to shut me down. Am I paranoid? (Who asked that question?) Not in the least. I'm just obsessively cautious. And besides, I like the beach as much as anybody. Unfortunately, I won't get near it this weekend. Because I hate crowds. And crowds of fat, pale people, underdressed and underfoot, I hate with a particular passion. My wife and I have things at our new house that need to be done before we finally move in. And that's what I'm going to do this weekend, stranger, rather than waiting in vain for you to drop by. Now, how do you wish-well on this occasion? You can't say, "Happy Memorial Day!" It's too grave a holiday for that. What if you dropped the exclaimation mark? What if you traded "Happy" for "Have a Nice". Why not just say, "Hey, Will You Invite Me to Your Barbecue?" Please call or email me with any information, directions, etc.

May 25, 2007

The novel I've been writing for what seems like most of my life, is finally making itself useful. Well, part of it is, anyway. I've rolled up about twenty pages, particularly vile pages (what you might call an excremental extract, if your thoughts, like my thoughts, lean that way), with which I've been squarshing flies all day. These are plump, winter flies, made lazy and confused by the sudden heat. They're slow and simple and stupid prey. I feel a guilty glee in bringing them down like this but it's given me something to do. Of course, I'd rather be selling books to anxious and grateful customers. . . Too bad there isn't a bounty on these flies. At 25 cents each I'd have enough to buy a ditch-digger's dinner for my wife and myself. After somehow getting my appetite back. The flies love my front window. I suppose they're drawn by my gently buzzing brain trying to chew through Finnegans Wake (I do my serious reading in a chair in the window). I should be using Joyce's novel to kill with. Then I could finally say that it was worth reading. But I think I'd have trouble reselling it. What with the fly gore and all.

May 22, 2007

Ladies and gentlestrangers, a wonderful something has finally happened to me, a something that all young men and women look forward to with fear and excitement. I'm not talking about losing my virginity. That happened months ago. I'm talking about Nigerian spam and how I finally got one! After years of hearing about the Nigerian prince (or in my case, princess) who needs a little bit of your money to get back a lot of his money which you are promised to get a percentage of but in fact what you get is taken for a ride, I finally got one of those lovelies in my inbox. I felt proud and relieved. I was glad it was over. The wait was murdering me. That and the usual doubts about my attractiveness, my popularity. Living my entire adult life without receiving even a single crumb of Nigerian spam made me feel like I wasn't even human. But thanks to Lady Alina Sutu, her greed and her curious syntax, I am now a man. I would have liked to have responded to Lady Sutu, if only to correct some of her grammar and punctuation. But I had to erase the email, of course. Who knows whose hands have been all over it? And what sort of bugs it's picked up? But I was too thrilled to keep quiet about it. I had to tell the world. Or at least the four or five stalwarts who eyeball this page every now and again. Next time you see me, shake my hand and know that you're shaking the hand of someone who has both been there and done that.

May 18, 2007

The weather in Providence today is lousy for outdoor sports and frolicsome pastimes. However, at Ada Books, we have a roof, under which some fictional morsels will be served. Brent Legault, author of several unpublished and unfinished novels, will read a short segment of something. Let's hope he's not too drunk this time! And Caroline Dworin, able author and even-handed cartoonist, will wow all onlisteners and make the evening worthwhile. She's been published in The New Yorker and The New York times. The snacks and drinks will be set out at six. The readings will begin shortly thereafter.

May 7, 2007

To anyone who might be interested in mailing me electronically, my new address is Has a nice ring to it, don't you think? I love getting and responding to mail. So make me happy, stranger. Drop me a line.

May 4, 2007

Tonight, at Ada Books, two poets will fling or cajole or nudge (poet's choice) their words into our open ears. Lynn Xu, author of June and Bronwen Tate, author of Souvenirs. (You can persue Tate's work here: The show begins at 7pm. There will be snacks.

May 3, 2007

My old email address has been prematurely put out to pasture. (It was my fault. I'm prone to mishandling cyber stuff.) Anyone with an itch to reach me may use this: for now. I'll let you know when something better comes along. In the meantime, if you find yourself on the West Side, stop by and look at the new graphic novels that stumbled in here only yesterday. I won't list them because I find it tiresome to do so. I'd rather you come to me. I'll be waiting on the stoop.